"And the Book (of Deeds) will be placed (before you); and thou wilt see the sinful in great terror because of what is (recorded) therein; they will say, "Ah! woe to us! what a Book is this! It leaves out nothing small or great, but takes account thereof!" They will find all that they did, placed before them: And not one will thy Lord treat with injustice."

This has to be one verse that scares me and brings tears to my eyes whenever I recite Surah Kahf. Inna LiLlahi wa Inna Ilaihi Rajiuna. A constant reminder that Allah is aware of all that our hands put forth. Every detail, the small, big, tiny and seemingly inconsequential deeds are recorded with Allah.

You know how we all wing certain things thinking, Allah will forgive me, I'll just do Istigfar? Yes, Allah is Al Ghafur, Oft- Forgiving and He never gets tired of showing us mercy but we must not be heedless. We must remind ourselves that all we do is well documented with Him and this should always guide our actions. 

Today's food for thought for you and I is:

If you were to have a sneak peek into your Book of Deeds today, will you be pleased with what is therein?

May Allah increase us in Iman and Taqwa; make us people of Ihsan and grant us the willingness to do good for His sake, amin.

Yours in Islam, 

Bashy

Yes! They do.

Around this time last year, l lost my pet cat 🙀 - Love. How I lost her is also a mystery till today. She went out and never came back. She was a domesticated cat, that never went out. How she got out, where she went to and what happened to her is a mystery till today. Oh how I miss her company. She was a friendly cat and even people who didn't like cats liked her. I actually grieved for this cat and hoped she'll return home. But it's been almost a year now and I still speak of her. We all miss her so much and the only reason it hurts is because we loved her. There's no grief without love. I know a few pet owners who cried for the death of their dogs. Why? Love.

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Have you lost a pet before?

How did you feel about it?

In my book titled Dispossessed, I wrote about how this type of loss affects people and how to cope with the loss of a pet and other forms of losses.

You should grab a copy at selar.co/ovxm

I have lost my mum, sister, aunts, dad, spouse, grandparents to death but I can't imagine people losing every member of their family to the oppression currently ongoing in Gaza because I still have a handful of close family members alive. Whole families/generations are being wiped out by just one unjust action.

It is terrifying to see, hear and know.

As one who has experienced multiple losses and grieved severally, I see an aggrieved and traumatised World. Whether we are affected directly or indirectly, it is indeed a tough time to be alive.

Last night, I saw a video of a C-section procedure without anaesthetic. A distressed mother and baby not sure if they will live the next minute. A doctor, risking his life in the most dangerous situation to save the lives of others even as they are not sure of seeing one more day.

The World is aggrieved.

As a professional, I see a new generation of traumatised humans. You see, unattended grief degenerates into Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. And with the unending news of what is going on around the World, I feel the need to educate more people on loss, grief and trauma. But, the people who truly need me right now are far away from me. If you are closer to them, offer them any form of help and relief that you can. Hold their hands. Re-assure them in hope. Listen to them talk about their loved ones.

I am hoping and praying this nightmare comes to an end soon.

Your Grief Recovery Therapist,

Bashirat Abdulwahab.

I'm so excited to have you back.

Today, I'll be sharing about loss and grief, the one thing that affects us all.

I am sure that you agree with me that it's almost impossible that as an adult you have not lost one person that is close to you or one thing that is dear to you before.

And so when we talk about loss, we talk about the process of losing something or someone that we hold very dear or that is very important to us.

So when we experience a loss, we say we have been bereaved, or bereft of something.

People are being bereaved of their loved ones.

For instance, for someone like me;

I have been bereaved of my mum, sister and aunt.

I have been bereaved of my father.

I have been bereaved of my first spouse.

I have been bereaved of my grandparents.

I have been bereaved of colleagues and classmates.

So, I have been bereaved of amazing and important persons in my life, right?

How about you?

What/who have you been bereaved of?

Have you been bereaved of someone?

Have you experienced a loss?

Have you experienced a loss of someone that you love?

A parent, a child, a friend, a colleague, a sister, an aunt or an uncle?

You know, these are the things that affect us all and if you have experienced any form of loss before, it means that you've experienced some form of grief as well.

And if you have experienced some form of grief, it means that this blog is something you might want to keep reading.

So what is grief?

Grief is simply, the response to loss.

And so when you talk about grief, oftentimes people relate it to the loss of someone a human being. But, grieving does not just happen when we lose human beings. People also grieve when they have lost something that is important to them such as the loss of a job, relationships, separation of a man and his wife separation or divorce and even the loss of a pet among others.

This means that here are several forms of losses that can lead to different kinds of grief. So generally grief is how we respond to a loss and these are parts of our daily lives. Sometimes we lose an item that is important to us. Other times, we lose money when we make investments that doesn't turn out well and we lost huge amount of money

Grief is natural.

Grief is normal.

Grief is valid.

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Grief affects us all.

And that is why I have taken it upon myself to continue to educate and create awareness on grief especially as it intertwines with our mental health and overall wellbeing as people because so many people do not see grief as a big deal because of course loss is part of daily life and as such, it is expected that people who have experienced losses breeze through their grief journey.

And for someone like me who spent most of her life in the Northern part of Nigeria, it is often about how much faith you have in God and people talking you out of it, telling you to be strong, to trust God and move on quickly. Yes, it is important to trust God as much as it is vital to move on or move forward.

However, in primary losses it might be very difficult to move on but,

We can move forward with grief.

We can grow around grief.

We can allow ourselves time to grieve and it is so important that the people around us, our community, family members, friends recognize the need for us to grieve so that we can move forward with our lives stronger than we went in.

Therefore, if you have experienced any form of loss I want to let you know that:

It is okay to grieve.

Whatever emotions that you feel as a result of the loss or the grief that you're experiencing is valid.

You're allowed to feel all of these emotions.

You're allowed to give yourself some time to go through them and to walk through them.

You're allowed to give yourself time to heal and grieve strong so that you can come out even better than you went in.

And that's it for now.

I'll be back with more on loss and grief and of course as it intertwines with our mental health and overall wellbeing.

Stay glued!

My name is Bashirat Abdulwahab, I am a Grief Recovery Therapist. I am passionate about creaging awareness on grief and I can help you walk through grief and move forward with life progressively.

Yours in wholesome living,

Bashy.

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But there was something unsettling about that particular weekend. It felt different. And while we were playing as usual, a message came from the University's admin. There was a call and dad's attention was needed, immediately. It was the saddest news. Something tragic had happened. We lost the 3 most important members of our family on their way back to the city of Kano where we lived. It was sudden, unbearable and unbelievable.

I can't believe that 24 years has passed since -

I lost my mum;

my sister &

my favourite aunt.

The 16th of October 1999 was a tragic day for my family. And our family was never the same since then. My maternal grandmother was never the same again until she passed away about 20 years later in January 2019.

My bothers and I, although too young to understand how such a huge loss would later affect our lives grew up to confront the vacuum of this loss every day. Our father was amazing through it all even as I watched him grieve for the rest of his life. While we'd wish it never happened, we have been resilient and unified through it all.

But here's the main reason why I am sharing this with you…. I wanted to share some of my personal lessons from this particular loss with you. So here goes;

• Losing these 3 beloved souls made me to realise early on as a young girl that life is short and even so, transient. It taught me not to hold on too tightly to life and all the glitters that shines with it. It taught me to let go, not begrudge people and forgive easily.

• The loss of my mum especially taught me that wherever I go, I'd always find a mother figure. God has continued to raise people that play that role in my life at every point in time. From my step mum to my maternal aunts and then my guardian etc. I have never lacked someone to call mother.

• I grew up fast and became too wise for my age. I can't particularly say that my childhood/teenage-hood was taken away from me, but I was not your regular teenager. I learnt to cook early and this helped to sustain us a family.

There's a lot more that I would love to share but I will stop here for now. If you'd like to read more, I'd advise that you grab a copy of my book titled From Pain To Purpose. It is a book that x-rays lessons from all the major losses that I have experienced. It available on all major book platforms including Amazon. You may also check out https://selar.co/m/Bashy to grab an electronic copy.

One more thing:

If you happen to come across this blog, please say a prayer for the soul ofnmy mum, sister and aunt. Thank you, as you do.

Yours in wholesome living,

Bashy.

Last night was even tougher as I barely slept and yet was swimming through series of emotions while nursing my baby. Two nights ago wasn't any better and so are most the previous nights. So this morning, my 8+ year old son came to find me struggling with sleep bags. He took his sister away from me and offered to baby sit her while I got some sleep. This is the highlight of my day.

The other day, it was her dad. He was around and he watched her while I slept. I woke up to find that he had fixed breakfast for the family. This really made my heart smile.

These and more are the little things. And we all need these little kind gestures in our lives to keep going. A little help here and there from family and friends especially during this period can go a long way. And I am so grateful for little things like these especially because it came from an eight year old.

What are the little things you're grateful for today?

I'd love to read about them in the comment section below.

Yours in wholesome living,

Bashy.

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